I am 15 years clean and sober today!
August 6th 2008 10:34
I almost don't believe it myself, but, today I turned 15 years clean and sober, in an AA and NA sense, (Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonymous). Not one illicit drug, or any type of alcoholic drink, has passed my lips since August the 6th, 1993. And what a day that was to remember, well sort of remember! I used to associate the 6th of August with the atomic bomb destruction of Hiroshima, Japan, in WW2. By the time 1993 had arrived, I felt like I had been destroyed, and in many ways, I had been.
I was going through fairly savage withdrawals in the detox unit, on Sydney's North Shore, where I grew up. I was detoxing from pills and alcohol and remnants of a lot of other crap. The nurse who checked me into the clinic said he knew me, from a big warehouse party and a mutual friend, I lied, pretending I remembered him, I had no idea we had met and had become friendly acquaintances.
As I checked in, I did not think I would be at all physically affected or mentally affected, neither did the nurse, after I described what little I had the last twenty fours hours, but the next morning, after staring at an orange for a few seconds, then turning away, I was seeing big blotches of orange everywhere, that kind of got me thinking... then the claustrophobia started...
I had huge 'highs' and 'lows' emotionally, from crying, then a few moments later laughing hysterically at something funny, but not THAT funny, then I got waves of feeling very scared and paranoid, then depressed and suicidal!
I did not sleep for nine days straight, and babbled for most of it.
I then checked myself out of the clinic, for fear of being dragged off to a loony bin by the cops, who had just done this to a fellow detoxer who had become delusional, thinking the world was about to end, as in, end that week!!
Before they call the cops to drag you off to a padded cell, they dose you up with a very strong sedative, basically it turns you into a zombie, lights on, no one at home. It really put the wind up everyone, seeing this poor guy 'disappear' before our eyes, then, to see cops drag him off, it was like something out of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, the film with Jack Nicholson. If you have not seen it, do so. It is a real education, and although things are not as institutionally bad as that these days, it was fairly close enough to warrant real fear of being singled out by the nurses.
After this poor chap got dragged off, they made us all meet in a group, to explain what had happened. A rather Orwellian nightmarish situation had invaded our collective withdrawals, and we were scared. I said so, in the group, to which came the reply, "YOU SHOULD BE!!" It came as a kind of threat, everyone afterwards came up to me and said so too.
I them made sure I didn't tell them I was feeling paranoid and slightly suicidal...
Anyway, so here I am now, devoid of what I thought was the solution to my 'life problems', and of course, it isn't till you get sober that you realize that the drugs and alcohol that once made you feel like superman, were now making you sick; very, very sick, physically, mentally and spiritually.
These days, I do not live and breathe AA and NA. However, I still stay in touch and still try to keep the tenets of the 12 Steps in my life.
Photo Credits: All courtesy of pdphoto.org and the images are in the public domain. Visit pdphoto.org at: LINK HERE
fog
an old enemy, the Margarita Cocktail!!
photo courtesy of pdphoto.org
I was going through fairly savage withdrawals in the detox unit, on Sydney's North Shore, where I grew up. I was detoxing from pills and alcohol and remnants of a lot of other crap. The nurse who checked me into the clinic said he knew me, from a big warehouse party and a mutual friend, I lied, pretending I remembered him, I had no idea we had met and had become friendly acquaintances.
As I checked in, I did not think I would be at all physically affected or mentally affected, neither did the nurse, after I described what little I had the last twenty fours hours, but the next morning, after staring at an orange for a few seconds, then turning away, I was seeing big blotches of orange everywhere, that kind of got me thinking... then the claustrophobia started...
I had huge 'highs' and 'lows' emotionally, from crying, then a few moments later laughing hysterically at something funny, but not THAT funny, then I got waves of feeling very scared and paranoid, then depressed and suicidal!
I did not sleep for nine days straight, and babbled for most of it.
I then checked myself out of the clinic, for fear of being dragged off to a loony bin by the cops, who had just done this to a fellow detoxer who had become delusional, thinking the world was about to end, as in, end that week!!
Before they call the cops to drag you off to a padded cell, they dose you up with a very strong sedative, basically it turns you into a zombie, lights on, no one at home. It really put the wind up everyone, seeing this poor guy 'disappear' before our eyes, then, to see cops drag him off, it was like something out of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, the film with Jack Nicholson. If you have not seen it, do so. It is a real education, and although things are not as institutionally bad as that these days, it was fairly close enough to warrant real fear of being singled out by the nurses.
After this poor chap got dragged off, they made us all meet in a group, to explain what had happened. A rather Orwellian nightmarish situation had invaded our collective withdrawals, and we were scared. I said so, in the group, to which came the reply, "YOU SHOULD BE!!" It came as a kind of threat, everyone afterwards came up to me and said so too.
I them made sure I didn't tell them I was feeling paranoid and slightly suicidal...
Anyway, so here I am now, devoid of what I thought was the solution to my 'life problems', and of course, it isn't till you get sober that you realize that the drugs and alcohol that once made you feel like superman, were now making you sick; very, very sick, physically, mentally and spiritually.
These days, I do not live and breathe AA and NA. However, I still stay in touch and still try to keep the tenets of the 12 Steps in my life.
Photo Credits: All courtesy of pdphoto.org and the images are in the public domain. Visit pdphoto.org at: LINK HERE
fog
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Comment by Tracy
Movies and Life
Tracy
Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
I am in awe of anyone who manages to overcome addiction and face the world everyday, especially when drugs and alcohol are so omnipresent in social life.
This is an incredible milestone!
Michaelie
Comment by RubySoho
Music Zone
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Just kidding of course. And again, well done.
Comment by Mountain Fog
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much appreciated, especially since not one of my close friends, nor any AA or NA pals, rang up to congratulate me.
However, I don't mind, as I should really be attending some meetings!!!
cheers and taa Ruby, a martini mocktail for me tanx!!
fog
Comment by Morgan Bell
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i wont speculate about which particular drug really had you hooked, but anyone who kicks a daily habit of cocaine, heroin, or meth has my greatest respect!
and your gift to yourself is actually remembering the last 15 years!
cheers to you! (the non-alcoholic cider of course!)
mwah xx
Comment by Cibbuano
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Comment by Jason King
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Comment by Lola Tahlulah
Lola Tahlulah
What an accomplishment. I would love for you to write a series of blog entries on your journey. I imagine a success story such as yours could really help a lot of people.
Comment by postmoderncritic
Postmodern Critic
Relativity Watch
Padsoc
I don't drink either, never have, so maybe we can meet up for some mocktails/lemon squashes/whatever sometime when you're happen to be in Sydney town... (or I go up the Mountains!)
Cheers,
Epiphanie
Comment by Cheryl J
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I shall raise a mocktail in your honour. Yay you!!
Comment by Mountain Fog
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your response surprised me a bit, as I imagined you would have known more about drugs.
The drugs you mention certainly are a problem, both for the addicts, their families and the community at large, however, they are by no means the only drugs difficult to stop using, and heroin in particular, is easy in withdrawals, compared to some other drugs.
However, I appreciate your well wishes and I wish I could say I clearly remember the last 15 years, (some brain damage I am afraid), as much as I wish I could remember the years preceding, stretching back to my childhood, alas, all fragmented glimpses, some of them amusing, most not.
I owe my sobriety to the existance and availability of Alcoholics Anonymous and Narcotics Anonmous and the 12 Steps.
I do not think of myself as possessing 15 years of sobriety, but as being sober, one day at a time, which just happens to add up to 15 years. By thinking this way, you do nto put the new comer off, as anyone can do one day without a drink or a drug, not many could say, 'I can do this for the next 15 years!' I know I couldn't have said that, and still cannot today.
cheers
fog
Comment by Mountain Fog
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thanks mate. I will do a post about it, as I also see a need to do a post on drugs in general; what they do, affects, dangers etc.
By the way, I didn't get this far on will power at all, I had the help of AA and NA, and staying sober just one day at a time.
cheers
fog
Comment by Mountain Fog
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thanks matey, really appreciate that!
cheers and keep those films rolling!!
fog
Comment by Mountain Fog
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thanks for the congrats!
You have inspired me to do a few short(ish!) pieces on this area, so thank you for your request, as it will benefit myself, by reminding me of where I have coem from, and maybe someone reading might identify and get the courage to reach out for help.
cheers and thanks again.
fog
Comment by Mountain Fog
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it would be my greatest pleasure in meeting you for a mocktail!! hehe!
Actually, I did try them in early sobriety, but, they reminded me so much of the real thing, and the GALLONS of martins etc I had poured down my neck at places like Kinsellas Bar, in Taylor Square, (in my day it was rather swish and "in", for my crowd.. (film and theatre people), that, I stopped pretneding, in case one day I picked up the real thing!!
cheers lovely
fog
Comment by Mountain Fog
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thanks so much for your well wishes, most appreciated!!
I tips me lid to yah luvveee!! hehe!
cheers
fog
Comment by postmoderncritic
Postmodern Critic
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Padsoc
Let me know when you're free, and we'll organise something in one of those two places... just send me a PM or something
Comment by Mountain Fog
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groovy baby!!
Actually, I had just emailed a pal of mine and suggested he and another mutual friend might go see the Biennale Festival, on the island in the harbour, a free ferry takes you out to it. Sounds amazing, big sculptures and weird stuff, as the Biennale does so well of course!
So maybe we can meet up for that thang.. might have to bring "the mumsy" along (she is an amazing artist), she is 86, quite a groover still and mobile, but if it's too cold, she will hate it! hehe!
cheers
fog
P.S. Actually, I suggested to my friend that a picnic be organized, nothing fancy, just laid back and simple, but tasty!!!
I'll email privately my phone number and we can try and organize it, if you are interested in that whole thang!! Or, we just meet up at a great cafe or something.. whatever!
P.P.S. I did have a flash of inviting all Orblers for a mass (hysteria!) attendance at the Biennale.. who knows, might be fun too??
Comment by postmoderncritic
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Padsoc
That sounds great, I've been to the Biennale exhibitions at the NSW Gallery and Museum of Contemporary Art but not the one on Cockatoo Island, and I'd really like to!
You don't have to worry about me calling you at 9am as I don't wake up till about 3pm, lol!
I'm happy for you to invite other Orblers and others who are interested, no problem!
I gotta go to bed now, talk to you tomorrow or something!
Comment by Mr Nice Guy
Pop Culturist
Pop Rock Factory
What was the turning point? Was there a day, a moment, a single episode which made you take stock?
I dips me lid to you Fog - you are to be championed.
Congratulations
Comment by Lilla
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Congratulations!!! A monumental achievement... I know, I've been there myself.
I'm one of the lucky ones in that I can have a social glass of wine now and then and be satisfied (can apply the brakes)... however, where the smokes and coffee go, it's got to remain all or nothing, as I still can't find the brake pads to fit the addiction drive
May you stay squeaky clean for eternity.
They say '..once there, never back again.'
Caio
Lilla ...
Comment by Deanna B
Knowing that you have done it gives me the encouragement to stick to my convictions and stay clean.
Thanks for your excellent example!
Comment by JohnDoe
Film & TV on DVD
A major test of character kicking the habit. Tough to go through, me I'm not that determined to cleanse, but i did have to quite the booze 10 years ago because it was the only substance I had no control over and it destroyed ever facet oif my life.
Now I just dabble in natural narcotics then quit for 6 months and so the cycle continues.
One day I'm sure I will see my crutch as it is.
Like everyone else here let me say well done to you!
Comment by Bill Green
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Comment by Damo
I hope it always has a happy ending.
Comment by Mountain Fog
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What was the turning point? Was there a day, a moment, a single episode which made you take stock?
Well, to answer your question in brief; it was my second attempt at going clean and sober, the first lasted six months, until on old 'pal' lured me into scoring... I actually just wanted a smoke of hashish, couldn't score because the dealer knew I was in NA (and he went too!!!) so I scored smack (heroin) instead!!
My pal was still using of course, so I cannot blame him, as he was sick from active addiciton.
Anyway, the second time around, other events initially drove me into detox, but once there, I decided I didn't ever want to go through that again! It was horrible!!
Some people have a dramatic specific event that causes them to go sober, like your family leaving you etc, for many others it is the slow burn, and eventually hitting a total personal 'rock bottom', the trick is, to know you can reach out for help.
cheers and tanx for the well wishes!
fog
Comment by Mountain Fog
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Yes, the fags (not human variety but tobacco type! tee hee) , are hard to put down, did that in 1998 I think.. and coffee, well I love it in small doses at the right times of day, but mostly drink tea, but no sugar in any of it.
tnax for the well wishes, much appreciated!! By the way, some rare people do find a way to control thei drinking, such as yourself, which is fine of course. Thye are usually heavy abusive drinkers, who donot have the total lack of control over their 'drug' of choice.
However, the addict/alcoholic has no such control, or somtiems, they do it for a couple of years or more, but evenually hit the bottle or whatever hard, when a life problem even arises.
Anyhoo, should you ever feel the need to chat in the future, I am free to chat to privately anytime you wish to, and am a good listener and not judgemental!!
cheers lovely,
fog
Comment by Mountain Fog
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great to hear from you, and especially great to hear you are sober today!!
Anytime you want to have a natter, just emai me privately, and I will send my phone number (I am guessing you are in Oz, if not, we still can have quickish chats!).
AA and NA (Alcoholics Anonymous and NArcotics Anonymous make staying clean and sober a little easier, (I am assuming you do not attend AA or NA meetings?), and the support you can get there is amazing and in many instances, life saving and changing!
cheers
fog
Comment by Mountain Fog
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we all have "crutches" in our lives, of one sort or another. However, it is how that crutch affects our lifestyle, our family, job and friends, that determines a certain course of action needs to be taken, if any of these areas suffer from our behaviour.
As I said to Deanna B, AA and NA are there to assist and not just for us to stop using drugs and/or alcohol, but to assist us in changing our lives, internally and externally, for the better.
I extend the same offer to you old pal, (or anyone else reading this), anytime you would like to have a private heart ot heart, I am here for you!
Just privately email me, and we can arrange a time to chat, if there are some questions you have about AA or NA, or just want to 'down load' in a sympathetic ear, and yes, I am very good at respecting other's needs for total privacy and confidence, just as I want them to respect my own.
cheers
fog
Comment by Mountain Fog
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I am quite humbled by your suggestion that I am worthy of recording my experiences!
I have floated out a little of my 'using' story, on the ether through Orble, but, maybe you are right, I should try and record a more concrete work detailing my journey from drug and alcohol dependance to sobriety... o
Of course, it does bring up many sad memories for me, having lost a lot of friends and career opportunities due to drugs and alcohol, but, possibly I could do a little bit at a time, we will see..
cheers and thanks matey,
fog
Comment by Mountain Fog
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I really appreciate your kind sentiments.
I just have to take life 'one day at a time' and live neither in the past, nor in the future, but in the present.
Hard to do too, of course, and I am but an average tyro, learning the rules of life as I go.
cheers
fog
Comment by The wonderful Peter Yang
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Cheers
Comment by Ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
CONGRATS!!!!! That`s brilliant, you must be so proud of yourself.
One of my friends is an addict/alcoholic who has been sober for 10 years and has spoken a lot about what she went through. It`s sad that people who don`t understand addictions and addicts are written off so easily.
Much power and strength to you friend, you done good!
Ash xxx
Comment by Mountain Fog
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thanks very much for your congrats, I greatly appreciate it!
cheers
fog
Comment by Mountain Fog
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TANX MUCHLY!! Really appreciate your words of congrats and encouragement!!
cheers
fog
Comment by Morgan Bell
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hi Fog,
no i really am not familar with that many drugs, i have had friends with devastating addictions to crystal meth and cocaine that left them in debt and resorting to other criminal activity . . . unless you are referring to alcohol as a "drug" (which it definately is) in which case i agree, that it one of the most crippling
but alas, that is the extent of my humble drug knowledge, ive never touched any of it myself . . . ive learnt alot from other peoples mistakes
Comment by Cibbuano
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Kinselas, eh?
Taylor Square doesn't seem all that appealing to me now - was it different back in the day?
Comment by Mountain Fog
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all I can say is, you are wise beyond your years!!
I wish I had been as prudent as your good self...
However, the two legal drugs, alcohol and tobacco, are still the bigget killers by far, making up for 80% or so deaths the last I heard and illicit drugs, just 2%, anyway, I am glad I missed out on the crystal meth plague, as it was in ts infancy when I was giving up.
I have suffered some brain damage from 25 years or more of drug and alcohol abuse, but these poor meth addicts etc, can gte irreversable brain damage from just few doses, or even one, if large enough and they are severely dehydrated.
Terrible really, sometimes I wish they would create a drug that does no harm physically or mentally, but blisses people out when they need it, and have a government shop supply it dirt cheap!
Now that would put a lot of drug dealers out of action, and save a lot of lives.
cheers
fog
Comment by Mountain Fog
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Hi Cibby,
you are dead right about Oxford Street!! I don't really like it either, the little I have seen of it since moving back to NSW. Admittedly I have only gone for a walk down there twice, however, Kinselas used to be where the people who worked in theatre and film etc would meet up for a drink, and then they opened a live theatre upstairs, awhile after that opened the theatre "in" crowd started drifting towards other more salubrious venues I seem to remember, in a haze and blur...
Anyway, I will write some posts on some of my adventures, what I can remember at least, and no doubt some will be quite amusing to read, but not so amusing to have experienced, I can assure you!!
Anyhoo,
cheers matey!!
fog
Comment by rickb_georgia
... And I hope you get back to some meetings too. I also tried it for a while without but I really feel having the fellowship around me gives me a lot of support in my effort.
A slightly comical note; I thought about applying for a job opening at the AA Atlanta, GA central office recently. I never thought I would be seeking a job where being an alcoholic would be a prerequisite.
I am glad I found you this morning.
Comment by Mountain Fog
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nice to make your acquaintance and thanks so much for your warm wishes!
It is great to 'meet' another 'friend of Bill' too! Congrats on your remarkable journey through sobriety, one day at a time! 19 years, fantastic!
Rick, you are dead right about the lack of meetings attendance, I am very conscious of it though, and am going to have to make an extra effort, even though I look after my 86 year old mother and her 15 year old pug dog, who adopted me actually!
cheers and hope to hear more from you my new, and sober, friend!
fog
Comment by Mountain Fog
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And it is funny, the only places on earth, AA and NA, where being an addict and/or alcoholic guarantees you a first preference in a job interview!!
cheers and let us know how you went!
fog
Comment by rickb_georgia
Good to have an acquaintance in your part of the world too. I know Friends of Bill from Southern California to New York to Florida and now I can say I have made the acquaintance of a Friend of Bill in Austrailia. I have always wanted to visit there and it is still one of my dreams. I turn 66 next January and every year it gets a little more out of reach. I have added your blog to my list to monitor from time to time and will stay in touch.
Comment by Mountain Fog
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glad to have a new pal on board!
Take out a lotto ticket, you never know matey!!
I'll make you a deal, if I win big time in lotto, I'll pay for you and your partner (or pal) to come out for a holiday!!
cheers
fog