one of THOSE forwards: humour methinks?
August 22nd 2008 10:10
When you have an "I Hate My Day Job" feeling, try this: (yes, it is one of THOSE forwards, however, it may just raise a smile across your sour puss, for a moment at least!
On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson
Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.
Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favourite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.
Now the fun part begins U.SPAN
Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement:
'Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested and then sanitized. '
Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, 'I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson & Johnson.'
HAVE A NICE DAY; AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF A PAIN IN THE A** THAN YOURS!
weeeelll... there we go... another lacklustre slacker post by fog, who is temporarily bereft of imagination and tired of writing at length, just to have it completely ignored...(note Onion Skins story!)
Want to hear something REALLY FUNNY???
That recent risqué post of mine, about the athlete pissing in public during her Olympic marathon race, caused a big reaction on the net, and I earned, in one day, from only one post, half of what I collectively earned over the previous year!
That says a lot! I know I fall into the 'required taste' category and my posts are eclectic in subject matter, however, it also says a lot about the people roaming the internet, when a post on a government cover up can score so low, yet a photo of a woman pissing in the gutter rates as if it is news of the end of the world. Sad really.
That post launched me to number 22, in the Orble overall list for the day; Hit Count: 1736 Individual Readers: 1016 Link Readers: 911. These are the sort of figures I would prefer to be getting every day.
It did make me ponder, should I go with it, create a lewd and lascivious blog, so I can start to make some money for once? Still vaguely pondering about that, but it is not really my scene and, at the end of the day, the post was rather demeaning, the way I did it.
So Anne Tootil, I apologise to you, but, I feel you judged me a little harshly.
However, you made me think about it, as I like you Anne, and so I looked at the post again the next day, and I agreed, it was in bad taste and I should have taken a different tact with it, without the photograph of her doing the deed.
Researching her background some more (the athlete Radcliffe) and the problem in sports in general, I have uncovered many other "piss artist" athletes, some males on bikes pissing in groups, for example, which would have made a far more amusing, if not titillating, post for some. I also uncovered a reference to a coach using urine, to get a better performance out of his charges, but I am not sure how he achieved this, as I did not follow up the historical reference.
The dreadful photo of Radcliffe urinating in the gutter, during the London 2005 Olympics, actually originally appeared in the British Guardian newspaper, however, the woman is made of tough material, both physically and mentally, for she has continued with her 'practise' (she did it again in Beijing) and doesn't give a toss what we all think, it would seem.
It does, as I suggested on that post, (which I have now deleted) underline the real need for a portable, quick access 'relief station' to be placed at regular intervals along the course, designed so the athlete can quickly squat and go, so to speak.
there.. I feel soooo much better now..
... just like I have 'relieved myself! tee hee!
On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson
Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed.
Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favourite chair. Open the package and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so that it will not become chipped or broken.
Now the fun part begins U.SPAN
Take out the literature from the box and read it carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement:
'Every Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested and then sanitized. '
Now, close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, 'I am so glad I do not work in the thermometer quality control department at Johnson & Johnson.'
HAVE A NICE DAY; AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF A PAIN IN THE A** THAN YOURS!
weeeelll... there we go... another lacklustre slacker post by fog, who is temporarily bereft of imagination and tired of writing at length, just to have it completely ignored...(note Onion Skins story!)
Want to hear something REALLY FUNNY???
That recent risqué post of mine, about the athlete pissing in public during her Olympic marathon race, caused a big reaction on the net, and I earned, in one day, from only one post, half of what I collectively earned over the previous year!
That says a lot! I know I fall into the 'required taste' category and my posts are eclectic in subject matter, however, it also says a lot about the people roaming the internet, when a post on a government cover up can score so low, yet a photo of a woman pissing in the gutter rates as if it is news of the end of the world. Sad really.
That post launched me to number 22, in the Orble overall list for the day; Hit Count: 1736 Individual Readers: 1016 Link Readers: 911. These are the sort of figures I would prefer to be getting every day.
It did make me ponder, should I go with it, create a lewd and lascivious blog, so I can start to make some money for once? Still vaguely pondering about that, but it is not really my scene and, at the end of the day, the post was rather demeaning, the way I did it.
So Anne Tootil, I apologise to you, but, I feel you judged me a little harshly.
However, you made me think about it, as I like you Anne, and so I looked at the post again the next day, and I agreed, it was in bad taste and I should have taken a different tact with it, without the photograph of her doing the deed.
Researching her background some more (the athlete Radcliffe) and the problem in sports in general, I have uncovered many other "piss artist" athletes, some males on bikes pissing in groups, for example, which would have made a far more amusing, if not titillating, post for some. I also uncovered a reference to a coach using urine, to get a better performance out of his charges, but I am not sure how he achieved this, as I did not follow up the historical reference.
The dreadful photo of Radcliffe urinating in the gutter, during the London 2005 Olympics, actually originally appeared in the British Guardian newspaper, however, the woman is made of tough material, both physically and mentally, for she has continued with her 'practise' (she did it again in Beijing) and doesn't give a toss what we all think, it would seem.
It does, as I suggested on that post, (which I have now deleted) underline the real need for a portable, quick access 'relief station' to be placed at regular intervals along the course, designed so the athlete can quickly squat and go, so to speak.
there.. I feel soooo much better now..
... just like I have 'relieved myself! tee hee!
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Comment by Bill Green
Talking Headlines
Comment by Mountain Fog
Infognito
cheers
fog
Comment by postmoderncritic
Postmodern Critic
Daily Inspirations
Relativity Watch
Padsoc
I know how you feel, last week I deleted one of my most popular posts because it was annoying me that people new to my blog were clicking on it first - it was an announcement about having received a new job, and there was nothing deep and meaningful in it (however it got at least 7 different commentators, which put it on the popular list).
I stayed away from the post you mention because I didn't really want to read about the event, glad to know you see it in a different light now.
Comment by Mountain Fog
Infognito
yeah, it wasn't very charming, for women in particular. However, it annoys the crap out of me that the vast majority of people on the net, who are not looking for cars to swoon over, or diets, or dates, or whatever other banal social detritus that can be 'marketed', only flock to the salacious and the vulgar.
Oh well, such is cyberworld!
cheers
fog
Comment by Ash
Australian Traveller
Flashes of memories
ahhhh I always miss everything man! i didn`t get to see your post, however I have come across photo`s of people going to the loo on the field... some blokes do it during soccer games.
And then you see some other bloke head diving and having their face smashed right into that same spot at some later stage... eeeewwwww!!!
At the end of the day - if you gotta go, you gotta go! Bush tinkles are quite common in Africa where we don`t have the luxury of excrementally decorated public toilets. It`s not pleasant, but hey, God made us that way - if He wanted us to keep it in then we would have a tap on the end of the bladder.
Congrats on the stats though - amazing what people find entertaining hey???
Hope you and Pugs are well
SMOOCHES
Ash xx
Comment by Mountain Fog
Infognito
tanx muchy, Stella sends HUGE snorkels and snuffles!! hehe! Oh, and BIG nose wipes, which, some say, is a required taste, but, it goes with the Pug territory!
Pissing and doing 'poohsie whopsoes' in the bush, now that sounds like getting back to nature the true blue outback Aussie way!
Done it myself, while squatting (I know, how appropriate) in rural Victoria hills years ago, but I always took a spade and buried it!
Africa and Oz have a lot in common, it would seem!
cheers lovely
fog