My darling Stella is gone
October 10th 2009 03:44
My darling Stella is gone.
Today, at 11-45am, my darling pug Stella passed away in my arms.
She had been suffering for some time now, but still had a zest for life. Then three days ago, she finally lost the ability to crouch, to go to the toilet, and fell backwards onto her pooh. This was a bad sign, as she has battled the creeping paralysis for some years now, but still coping.
So, as I was washing her bottom in the laundry tub, she fell forwards, onto her head, I hadn't had a tight enough grip at that moment and I wasn't quick enough to prevent her stumbling forwards.
Ordinarily that should not have caused a problem, for she fell while still standing in the sink, but Stella was knocked out cold, eyes wide open, not moving and limp. I cradled her to the floor, then picked her up and within a minute she came round, but was still stunned and woozy for awhile.. but seemd okay after that.
The next day, yesterday, she started to groan more than usual, and was off her food but still drinking water. Then last night Stella stopped drinking and eating. She wouldn't lie down either, so she sat up almost all night on my bed, with me keeping a watch over her. I rang the emergency late night vet, (I forgot I had taken her to the vet earlier in the day but her usual vet wasn't there, and the new vet wanted to run all sorts of tests on her, keeping her all day, but at the time it seemed pointless as her main problems were well documented and tested and she hates being left there and besides, we knew she probably had a cancerous tumour as well, as there had been traces of blood in her stools and urine. But now, of course, I cannot help feeling, if only I had agreed to the tests yestersday...maybe she could have been saved.
I'm going on too long, sorry to anyone reading this, I just can't edit as I go along..and emotionally, I have to write this all out now...
So I took her again to the vet, this morning, as we had a really bad night with her in some distress. The vet said she was seriously ill, and just giving pain killers, which had to be oral and she wasn't eating or drinking anything anyway, wasn't going to cure the other problems, and she was obviously now in a terrible state.
So, after a patient vet gently coaxed me, I made that decision that almost all pet lovers must make at some stage, and agreed to have her euthanized.
My darling little pugface, my dearest and most loved friend, in fact, she was my only true friend, passed away in my arms two hours ago. I am still drenched in her urine, when she died her bladder emptied on my lap, but I don't care..I don't think I will ever wash it away from my jeans, it is her, part of her, a last contact and I can't let go.
Anyone who has to have their pet euthanized, particularly pugs or other small animals who have tiny veins that are hard to find, PLEASE ask that the vet administers a pre-op. anaesthetic, which they give in the folds of skin at the back of their neck, they then fall into a deep sleep, then, they can attempt to get the euthanizing drug into a vein without the awful struggle that happens with small dogs and so your beloved darling pet may pass in peace. In fact, I think this should be standard practise for all dogs and cats. The vet told me afterwards that my request was an incredibly humane and caring thing to ask for, I think she will offer that to all other pet owners now, I hope so.
I am utterly destroyed right now, I've sent texts and emails to my family to not contact me on the phone, I can't talk to anyone and I am a miserable mess as I write this...
this day… this damnable,
black-dreadful day,
my final rotten turn,
delivered in stealth,
death masked,
to a faithful,
loving,
trusting,
friend;
this horror nightmare,
that I prayed I never see,
has come in quickstep,
and stomped into my soul,
the final betrayal,
of my loved one’s trust;
and here I stare and hear,
nothingness,
I prayed to die,
before my Stella did,
now a lost and forlorn hope,
she is gone, she is gone,
and I so miss her terribly,
my angel hearted one,
my darling Stella,
I will grieve for,
to my last day.
OBIT PAX 03/12/1993 TILL 11/10/2009
Stella my darling Babydohl
Today, at 11-45am, my darling pug Stella passed away in my arms.
She had been suffering for some time now, but still had a zest for life. Then three days ago, she finally lost the ability to crouch, to go to the toilet, and fell backwards onto her pooh. This was a bad sign, as she has battled the creeping paralysis for some years now, but still coping.
So, as I was washing her bottom in the laundry tub, she fell forwards, onto her head, I hadn't had a tight enough grip at that moment and I wasn't quick enough to prevent her stumbling forwards.
Ordinarily that should not have caused a problem, for she fell while still standing in the sink, but Stella was knocked out cold, eyes wide open, not moving and limp. I cradled her to the floor, then picked her up and within a minute she came round, but was still stunned and woozy for awhile.. but seemd okay after that.
The next day, yesterday, she started to groan more than usual, and was off her food but still drinking water. Then last night Stella stopped drinking and eating. She wouldn't lie down either, so she sat up almost all night on my bed, with me keeping a watch over her. I rang the emergency late night vet, (I forgot I had taken her to the vet earlier in the day but her usual vet wasn't there, and the new vet wanted to run all sorts of tests on her, keeping her all day, but at the time it seemed pointless as her main problems were well documented and tested and she hates being left there and besides, we knew she probably had a cancerous tumour as well, as there had been traces of blood in her stools and urine. But now, of course, I cannot help feeling, if only I had agreed to the tests yestersday...maybe she could have been saved.
I'm going on too long, sorry to anyone reading this, I just can't edit as I go along..and emotionally, I have to write this all out now...
So I took her again to the vet, this morning, as we had a really bad night with her in some distress. The vet said she was seriously ill, and just giving pain killers, which had to be oral and she wasn't eating or drinking anything anyway, wasn't going to cure the other problems, and she was obviously now in a terrible state.
So, after a patient vet gently coaxed me, I made that decision that almost all pet lovers must make at some stage, and agreed to have her euthanized.
My darling little pugface, my dearest and most loved friend, in fact, she was my only true friend, passed away in my arms two hours ago. I am still drenched in her urine, when she died her bladder emptied on my lap, but I don't care..I don't think I will ever wash it away from my jeans, it is her, part of her, a last contact and I can't let go.
sweetheart Stella always wanted to be involved
Anyone who has to have their pet euthanized, particularly pugs or other small animals who have tiny veins that are hard to find, PLEASE ask that the vet administers a pre-op. anaesthetic, which they give in the folds of skin at the back of their neck, they then fall into a deep sleep, then, they can attempt to get the euthanizing drug into a vein without the awful struggle that happens with small dogs and so your beloved darling pet may pass in peace. In fact, I think this should be standard practise for all dogs and cats. The vet told me afterwards that my request was an incredibly humane and caring thing to ask for, I think she will offer that to all other pet owners now, I hope so.
I am utterly destroyed right now, I've sent texts and emails to my family to not contact me on the phone, I can't talk to anyone and I am a miserable mess as I write this...
my drawing of a pugface flower
this day… this damnable,
black-dreadful day,
my final rotten turn,
delivered in stealth,
death masked,
to a faithful,
loving,
trusting,
friend;
this horror nightmare,
that I prayed I never see,
has come in quickstep,
and stomped into my soul,
the final betrayal,
of my loved one’s trust;
and here I stare and hear,
nothingness,
I prayed to die,
before my Stella did,
now a lost and forlorn hope,
she is gone, she is gone,
and I so miss her terribly,
my angel hearted one,
my darling Stella,
I will grieve for,
to my last day.
dream in peace my darling baby girl
OBIT PAX 03/12/1993 TILL 11/10/2009
| 154 |
| Vote |
Add To: 
subscribe to this blog
Comment by Michaelie
Flick Wit
Michaelie x
Comment by katyzzz
Photography Tips
MS Paint Art
Cry all you like and recover in time, what she has suffered we will all share with her eventually. We must be strong but none the less loving and caring.
I was so touched by your lovely poem, I know pugs has been heading this way for quite some time now. She will always be your darling Stella. Just think of that and take comfort and heart. See you not one second before you are ready, my good friend.
Comment by Mountain Fog
Infognito
Screen Trek
QUOTE ME NO QUOTES!
I greatly appreciate your kind words.
fog
Comment by Mountain Fog
Infognito
Screen Trek
QUOTE ME NO QUOTES!
I am really touched by your kindness
thanks so much
your friend
fog
Comment by Chris Champion
Vyoos
Zoomies
Bloggercises
The Blog of Lists
Newly Old
Money Whither
Comment by Wilson Pon
Health 2 Know
Adventure Toes
boxing sound
Business Rope
Fun Places 2 Travel
Comment by Mountain Fog
Infognito
Screen Trek
QUOTE ME NO QUOTES!
fog
Comment by Mountain Fog
Infognito
Screen Trek
QUOTE ME NO QUOTES!
I really appreciate you caring,
which goes for all of you who commented, I am in a state of flux at the moment, and since I am 16 years clean and sober, some very dark thoughts have crept into the back of my mind, I'll just have to take it minute by minute..
cheers to all and thanks so much again everyone.
fog
Comment by Patricia
Travel Stripe
Comment by S.L.
The Political Brief
Comment by JohnDoe
Film & TV on DVD
i know this pain and know that words do little at this time....just know my thoughts are with you Fog,
Comment by Jason King
Sydney Table
Salty Popcorn
Total Randomness
I know the pain you are going through - I went there years ago with a my beautiful dog Lenny, only 1yr old, my flatmate left the gate open and Lenny was hit by a car. He held on while I got to the vet from work - he then died in my arms and my best friend left me.
I still have Lenny's leash hanging up at home and miss him dearly.
Your poem is beautiful, sad and very touching.
Stella will be resting in peace and chasing the big bone in doggy heaven.
Take care big guy.
Comment by Tracy
Movies and Life
Thinking of you,
Trace
Comment by Mountain Fog
Infognito
Screen Trek
QUOTE ME NO QUOTES!
thanks so much for your kind words, I appreciate it a lot.
Comment by Mountain Fog
Infognito
Screen Trek
QUOTE ME NO QUOTES!
I am particularly touched that you expressed your sympathy for me, we may well differ greatly on the political aspect of life, but this proves that political beliefs are a mere veneer, for in the depth of all souls goodness can be found.
thank you.
cheers
fog
Comment by Mountain Fog
Infognito
Screen Trek
QUOTE ME NO QUOTES!
those few words mean a lot, for they let the grieving know there is someone out there who acknowledges their pain, and so, even though those words cannot totally assuage the tumult of emotions the grieving suffer, they do help, they help a great deal.
thanks so much
fog
Comment by Mountain Fog
Infognito
Screen Trek
QUOTE ME NO QUOTES!
what happened to your beloved pup was terribly sad, and it makes it so much worse, when your best friend leaves you. Some people have pets, others have furry family members.
thank you for sharing your own grief with me Jason, and for taking the time and care to express your kind sentiments.
I, indeed, greatly appreciate that.
fog
Comment by Mountain Fog
Infognito
Screen Trek
QUOTE ME NO QUOTES!
thanks again dearest Tracy, your heartfelt sympathy and reaction to my awful news has given me a lot of positive emotional fuel with which to carry on for awhile.
much love
fog
Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
Business News
Movie Train
Comment by Mountain Fog
Infognito
Screen Trek
QUOTE ME NO QUOTES!
I greatly appreciate your kindness
fog
Comment by RubySoho
Music Zone
Thought Zone
Comment by Mountain Fog
Infognito
Screen Trek
QUOTE ME NO QUOTES!
thanks matey, but at the moment, I just cannot get over my stupidty and incompetence, I should have reacted more quickly and I failed her.
thank you for caring
fog