Kangaroo Cloud
July 24th 2008 08:39
Starkly on pale blue,
bleached sun, cloud blotched,
puffy white fluffy flumps,
statically sit,
in azure stable.
A single cloudlet,
singlet white perfect ,
thinned then fogged,
then volume vanished;
a pace away,
re-thickens.
A gust then weaves,
a kangaroo shape,
its tail wind wagging,
then slow float,
to mist as if,
to graze on gossamer,
then haze again,
back into ether.
(copyright fog 2008)
Photo Credit:
Cloud photographer John Lamb: Original title "Monkey on Skis over Dunedin New Zealand."
LINK: pbase.com
Photo Image: ALL RIGHTS RESERVED COPYRIGHT JOHN LAMB 2008
P.S. Many thanks to my fellow "Cloud Appreciation Society" member, Mr. John Lamb, for allowing me to use his photograph with my poem.
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Comment by TimmyH
Tech News
Can you HACK it?
Genyration
Comment by Mountain Fog
Infognito
However, if you read below the poem, I did say I was awaiting permission to use the 'kangaroon cloud' photo.
I am still waiting... and I will cahnge the image once I attain the right to display it here!
cheers
fog
P.S. What would be really interesting is, what do you think the 'temporary stand in' cloud looks like? Something salacious, as your smiley indicates?
Comment by Lilla
Enviro Warrior
An Extra Ordinary Life
Dream Herald
Esoteric Bookshop
Looks liek a downhill skiing Kanga to me, too!
I like the jumbled words...
Lilla ...
Comment by Danceswithwords
Poetic Sedition
Inspiration
I followed your link from Carolyn's "to post or not to post" so thanks for providing that.
I often take photographs of weather, and especially clouds, and adore sitting back on a grassy lawn making animal shapes (and others) out of the every changing sky scape. I have a great one of a bear I can send you, and yes of course you can have the permission to use it ;o)
In terms of critiquing your poem, I liked some of your descriptions, though felt the underlying meaning or relational point/s (as I call them) lacking.
To explain this further there are two elements that are obvious in your poem. One is a cloud and one is a kangaroo. Your poem is about the cloud, of a kangaroo shape. Kind of obvious? In this when you are writing about them they share the same plane. It makes the poem one-dimensional. For example it's the characteristics of a kangaroo (and yeah it does look like one skiing) that can be related to the cloud.
Your first stanza is all about the cloud, except you have an azure stable. Its a wonderful phrase but relates little to kangaroos whom are rarely related to stables. If it was a cloud of a horse running across the sky then you might smile at this point and start to sense the other layer / dimension or meaning in this poem.
It's this subtle separation that you play with, as the writer, by relating the two (or more) subjects. Then they key is to explore this relationship between cloud & kangaroo and if you are fortunate (as this sometimes is the part of creating that is hardest to find and explain) you may discover a 3rd of 4th dimension to this relationship which the reader gets invited to join in on.
You have the cloud down pat. I sense its movement and it's domain strongly, but where is the kangaroo's implied skiing state? Kangaroos jump, get hit by cars, and obviously ski right?- they might even use their tails for balance? Precariously though the kangaroo is made of shape and snow, it's skiing is in the sky overlooking the bush it once belonged in - so don't be afraid to look down. Kangaroos become Australia winter Olympic competitors!!! which in downhill skiing is just as rare, or perhaps I'm wanting to draw attention to the fact that the kangaroo's habitat is disappearing and to adapt and escape mans destruction they have taken to flying across the clouds, and you were privileged enough to photograph one of them?? Hmmm.
So for me, and I will say its not for all, to write poetry is to begin with at least two related or unrelated topics and then meld them together with the goal of not writing mashed potato, but something that I can burn my tongue on because I dared to lick the clouds above.
If you write down 10 things about the kangaroo, and 10 things about the cloud. They can be phrases, they can just be single words. Then sit with your jumble and as you add the words together, think of something totally different to add to the recipe. I think you'll like the taste of it.
Keep up the great work Fog. I enjoy your inputs and insights in here. I hope my poetry coffee was at the right temperature, and I didn't put too much sugar in it for you.
Kind Regards
Dances
Comment by Mountain Fog
Infognito
thanks for your very detailed response to my humble little attempt at poetry!
I can see, obviously, where you are coming from, however, at times I just rush something off the top of my pen, without vesting too much intellectual or even emotional energy into it, for it is just a small observational piece, not a social commentary.
However, I would like to read your poetic version of the photo!
By the way, I think you would be a perfect candidate to join The Cloud Appreciation Society, (I wrote a small post on it recently), LINK HERE,
it is a bit of fun, will only cost $12- Aus or less, and you get posting rightson their ste (about clouds only please) and a badge and a cerificate!
It is based in England, I think you would fit right in.
Join up, a couple of other Orblers said they were going to join, then you will have a place to post your cloud photos and any poems or prose about clouds.
cheers
fog