SNAKE BITES PENIS!!!!!
June 12th 2008 14:15
According to The Daily Telegraph (Sydney) today, Daryl Zutt telephoned his mother to say farewell, after he had been bitten on his penis by a deadly brown snake! As Aussies and Kiwis, and many Americans already know, Australia is home to some of the deadliest snakes in the world. The taipan, worlds most deadliest snake, the fierce snake, the king brown, eastern brown, black snake, tiger snake, death adder, red bellied black, to name but a few, and then there are the ones in the water!
Photo Credit: GNU Free Documentation License wikipedia commons
However, fatal bites are not common, as snakes usually have the good sense to avoid humans, unless you get between the snake and its escape route, or its home, or worst case scenario, you bail up a nesting female king brown snake guarding its nest of eggs!
If that ever happens to you, follow this advice;
RUN!!
You just run and keep running and pray, as you keep running, and running, and then you pray and hope a car or a helicopter is about to pick you up, because that particular snake, in that situation, is really something to be reckoned with, and yes, THEY CHASE YOU!!!!
Photo Credit: wikipedia commons
Anyhoo, two weeks ago Daryl Zutt stops by the road in outback Far North Queensland and decides to go to the toilet. He 'drops his drawers' (Aussie slang for taking down ones pants) squats down and probably began to hum a show tune he liked, maybe something out of Cats, (Memories?), or it could have been Phantom of the Opera, maybe Evita, or even The Sound of Music? "The hills are alive, with the sound of...." SCREAMING!!!
Anyway, as he mused and hummed, or maybe whistled as he squated, a large brown snake came up from behind him, slithered under his bared buttocks, then must have suffered a big fright when it saw his dong; schlong, franger, hose, pee pee... no, not pee pee... I have a feeling this guy had a fair sized whacker on him.
Anyway, the brown snake decided that he needed to sort this 'one eyed monster' out, and bit his penis!
The fellow then felt what he described as a searing pain in his penis then looked down to see a large brown snake slither onwards between his legs!
"I thought, maybe this is it. Maybe, I'm gonna cark it."
("gonna" means 'going to', "cark" means 'die')
He called his mother on his mobile, "Goodbye mum.." Obviously he knew that a restrictive bandage would probably not work on a rapidly shrinking penis, and he definitely knew no one in outback northern Queensland was going to offer to suck the poison out! However, if he had been bitten on the 'potk sword' in Oxford Street, Sydney, especially during the annual Mardi Gras, he would have had hundreds of volunteers, no doubt!!
So just what did he do to stem the flow of poison? This will make a great "Bundy and coke" TV commercial (Bundaberg Rum)...
He held a cold can of rum and coke against his dong, and drove himself to the hospital... (only in Far North Queensland!!) . Rum and coke is their religion, Bundaberg being the Holg Grail of that particualr rum, which smells like sweaty old socks to me! However, once again, "Bundy and coke" proves to be a saviour, this itme literally.
What on earth did it look like when he walked into the emergency ward? His donger hanging out and him pressing a can of rum and coke on it!!??!! I am amazed he wasn't wrestled to the ground by security. After all that, he still had to say out loud, "A snake bit me on my ding dong!!"
True story.
However, what would you have sung?
Did the song make the snake bite him?
Or was the snake a 'size queen' and got jealous?
Would you have drunk the can of rum and coke instead and sung a dirge of 'goodbye cruel world'?
Australian Eastern Brown Snake
Photo Credit: GNU Free Documentation License wikipedia commons
However, fatal bites are not common, as snakes usually have the good sense to avoid humans, unless you get between the snake and its escape route, or its home, or worst case scenario, you bail up a nesting female king brown snake guarding its nest of eggs!
If that ever happens to you, follow this advice;
RUN!!
You just run and keep running and pray, as you keep running, and running, and then you pray and hope a car or a helicopter is about to pick you up, because that particular snake, in that situation, is really something to be reckoned with, and yes, THEY CHASE YOU!!!!
Australian Tiger Snake
Photo Credit: wikipedia commons
Anyhoo, two weeks ago Daryl Zutt stops by the road in outback Far North Queensland and decides to go to the toilet. He 'drops his drawers' (Aussie slang for taking down ones pants) squats down and probably began to hum a show tune he liked, maybe something out of Cats, (Memories?), or it could have been Phantom of the Opera, maybe Evita, or even The Sound of Music? "The hills are alive, with the sound of...." SCREAMING!!!
Anyway, as he mused and hummed, or maybe whistled as he squated, a large brown snake came up from behind him, slithered under his bared buttocks, then must have suffered a big fright when it saw his dong; schlong, franger, hose, pee pee... no, not pee pee... I have a feeling this guy had a fair sized whacker on him.
Anyway, the brown snake decided that he needed to sort this 'one eyed monster' out, and bit his penis!
The fellow then felt what he described as a searing pain in his penis then looked down to see a large brown snake slither onwards between his legs!
"I thought, maybe this is it. Maybe, I'm gonna cark it."
("gonna" means 'going to', "cark" means 'die')
He called his mother on his mobile, "Goodbye mum.." Obviously he knew that a restrictive bandage would probably not work on a rapidly shrinking penis, and he definitely knew no one in outback northern Queensland was going to offer to suck the poison out! However, if he had been bitten on the 'potk sword' in Oxford Street, Sydney, especially during the annual Mardi Gras, he would have had hundreds of volunteers, no doubt!!
So just what did he do to stem the flow of poison? This will make a great "Bundy and coke" TV commercial (Bundaberg Rum)...
He held a cold can of rum and coke against his dong, and drove himself to the hospital... (only in Far North Queensland!!) . Rum and coke is their religion, Bundaberg being the Holg Grail of that particualr rum, which smells like sweaty old socks to me! However, once again, "Bundy and coke" proves to be a saviour, this itme literally.
What on earth did it look like when he walked into the emergency ward? His donger hanging out and him pressing a can of rum and coke on it!!??!! I am amazed he wasn't wrestled to the ground by security. After all that, he still had to say out loud, "A snake bit me on my ding dong!!"
True story.
However, what would you have sung?
Did the song make the snake bite him?
Or was the snake a 'size queen' and got jealous?
Would you have drunk the can of rum and coke instead and sung a dirge of 'goodbye cruel world'?
| 100 |
| Vote |
Comment by Bill Green
Talking Headlines
Comment by tlcorbin
Coffee Quip
. . . a little bitty 'snake bit my dong,
Spoiled the look of my schlong,
I had it all made up to be a prong,
yea, a little bitty snake bit my dong. . .
Geez, fog, this takes the edge off of all of my problems. Raven
Comment by Mountain Fog
Infognito
Screen Trek
QUOTE ME NO QUOTES!
ain't it a peach as Americans say...well... in old movies they did.
I can see him now, walking into casualty... rum and coke can on his donger... blimey!!
cheers
fog
Comment by Mountain Fog
Infognito
Screen Trek
QUOTE ME NO QUOTES!
there is another way to look at it in your case; if you had been bitten on your donger by a big snake, at least it would swell and look bigger!! tee hee!
cheers
fog
Comment by Harry
Sydney Diary
Personals
Brisbane Diarystar
Zoo Parent
Comment by Mountain Fog
Infognito
Screen Trek
QUOTE ME NO QUOTES!
thanks mate, and sometimes, real life incidents humorously eclipse anything we can dream up!
cheers
fog
Comment by Damo
Fate worse than death.
Comment by Mountain Fog
Infognito
Screen Trek
QUOTE ME NO QUOTES!
not a pretty thought!!!
I wonder who would have thought about chopping it off, to stop the spread of poison, as some bushies have done before in NT and FNQ??
Well, they didn't chop off their willies, but an arm, I can remember two such reports!
Question is, would you chop off your 'old rodger' if it was the only way to save your life?
cheers
fog