MORGAN BELL: FIRST VICTIM OF TERRIBLE BOGANA VIRUS?
May 9th 2008 08:44
It is with heavy heart, that I must inform everyone, Morgan Bell has become chronically infected with the little known Bogana Virus, (Bogana Contagium Vulgaris Bacillus), and unless she is treated soon, it could become permanent, possibly fatal!!
Photo Credit: BOGANS!!
LINK: BOGANS!!
In this article, I will deal with the early warning signs (symptoms), the progression of the disease (epidemiology) and its affect on critical areas such as; dress codes, make up (type, colour and application), speech (both 'normal' and drug/alcohol affected), social attitudes, public behavioural patterns and lastly, naturally, mental acumen, or what can possibly be detected of it, for in advanced stages of infection, there is little brain activity beyond ‘eat, shit and sleep’, all of which are done in a most indecorous way.
There is one other dangerous aspect of infection from the Bogana Virus; it causes people to enlist in subversive groups and activities, to behave in clandestine manner and to take dangerous risks because of a self-delusion they are actually doing something positive for humanity, when in fact, they are just destroying public and private property, while perpetuating appalling manners and bad taste, often passed on by their genetic parents, who are often completely unknown to them, having dumped and/or sold the sprogs after birth!
Many disguise their real identity using code names, non de plumes, even anagrams of secret agendas, like Morgan Bell; which is an anagram of "BLAME LONG R", in proper english, 'blame longer'.
Morgan Bell also operates under another code name, that being her Bogan genus descriptor;
Morgano Campana Excrucio ex Boganamata Morbus.
(Morgan Bell has great pain/torment from Bogan’s disease)
The affect of the Bogana Virus on Morgan Bell has caused her to become, (possibly unwittingly), a dangerous 'sleeper agent' for the shadowy Bogan Nation. This rag bag group of desperate subversives are secretly engaged in treasonous and seditious activities, plotting against our more sophisticated lifestyles, trying to degrade our sense of good taste in all things!
We are all so lucky ex-Prime Minister Howard and his dutifully dedicated bum licker ex-Attorney General Ruddock, resurrected those old draconian laws from the world war years, and then embellished them further, in order to cope with treason and sedition, midst the hotbed of MOSLEM TERROR, scarifying Australia….somehow……somewhere …actually I have not seen any terrorists yet…BUT WE KNOW THEY ARE THERE!
Photo Credit: Wikipedia Commons
While we are on this frightening subject, I must confide;
MORGAN BELL IS A BOGAN AGENT PROVOCATEUR!!
A BOGAN SPY!!!
These furtive members, these societal exiles of grand vogue couture, these awful bedraggled dregs of humanity, have permeated almost all levels of our society, with only a few remaining exceptions, they being; the Australian Opera, the Sydney and Melbourne Symphony Orchestras, the Australian Ballet and all nationally recognized bridge playing groups across the nation.
These august companies of artistic and intellectual endeavour stand together, as a bulwark against the terrible rising tide of Boganity. However, they cannot do it alone!
We must all stand together, to fight this gruesome flotsam of degraded humanity, and ensure ourwasteful tasteful way of life is preserved!
Bogana Inoculation:
To prevent becoming infected by the terrible Bogana Virus, I suggest the following;
if you drink alcohol:
Drink several bottles of champagne; Dom Perignon, Krug, Bollinger, or any other fine French champagne of a good vintage. As regards quantity of champagne, for total assurance that the vile and debilitating Bogana Virus has been eliminated from your poor wracked bodies, I suggest investing in a Nabuchadnezzar (20 bottles: 15 litres), and sip slowly all day while resting in a constantly replenished bubble bath, while being shoulder massaged. Some delectable canapés would be a good accompaniment, while listening to either; classical orchestral work, (Brahms might be nice in the afternoon, definitely Chopin in the morning), or, vocalists of the calibre of Pavarotti et al.
For non-alcohol imbibers:
Recite the Bible, Latin version, till you feel exorcised!!
Photo Art credit: BOGANS!!
LINK: EEEWWW!!
EPIDEMIOLOGY: EARLY SYMPTOMS and PROGRESSION:
Vulgarity;
vocally and in behaviour, especially in public. Unusual and eclectic taste in clothing and colour combinations, which quickly deteriorates into appalling taste, that being, hooded jackets made of synthetic substances, garish colours, plastic zippers, skin tight jeans, metal piercing of body parts, including genitalia, starting with one or two, gradually building to a point where the similarity between them and a porcupine, is obvious. The first piercing is usually the tongue or nasal area...eeewwww! Bogan hetero males often have a “Prince Albert,” yet still claim to be completely heterosexual, which is plainly ridiculous!
Make up;
women use gloss lipstick with sparkles, eyeliner that can be seen from 500 metres away, stick on emblems, and all done in toxic lurid colours.
Hair;
often dyed totally, or in uneven patches of, white, purple and red, as this the only colour palette they can afford, or actually recognize, and it is dyed at home, incompetently.
Speech;
always incredibly nasal, the inflection rising at the end of sentences, if indeed one may assume that they use a sentence. Syllables, consonants and vowels are all smeared into each other, often making an individual word indistinguishable. If one does not see a Bogan speaking, but hears them, usually their speech pattern is mistaken for a variety of reasons, none of them usually human, unless it is vomiting, other examples; animal slaughter, animal mating cries, animal regurgitation, and/or birth pain.
Habitat:
Malls, street corners, alleyways, deserted buildings, rave parties, multiplex cinemas, Coles and Woolworths (all day and night), train stations, public toilets where the females attend to their makeup, while the partner ‘hetero’ males indulge in homosexual acts hidden behind cubicle doors.
Public Behaviour:
Vomiting, fighting, swearing, spitting, spray can tagging, bottle smashing, laying unconscious on; footpaths, benches, in gutters, in entrance ways to buildings they do not live in, having sexual intercourse, or other related grotesque activity, and giving birth.
Drugs and Alcohol:
Everything from the bottom shelf, unless it has been stolen. However, it has been observed, even when Bogans have the opportunity to steal top shelf alcohol, they still choose their usual fare, that being, flagons of Invalid Port, “bladder” wine, or casks, as the wine companies euphemistically call them, or cheap bourbon.
Drugs; often they do not know what it is they have taken, just some pill they obtained, which could be horse tranquiliser if they are lucky, or an emetic or a laxative, if not!
Transport:
Bus, train, hitching. However, there is an ever increasing group of more affluent Bogans, (more 'effluent' would be more apt!), who are using cars, many of which are stolen until wrecked, usually that same day. Others do own their own 'chariots', I reveal one here so you know what to avoid on the road!
Photo Credit: BOGANS! at bebo.com
LINK: BOGANVILLE!
So, tell me, is all this enough to finally, find justification for a cultural genocide, or mercy killing as I would suggest?
BOGANS BEWARE!!!
WE ARE WATCHING YOU!!!
Finally, if any of you have any doubt as to the seriousness of this situation, I refer you to this site, an 'official' Bogan of Australia net site!
LINK:
BOGANS
And more disturbingly, a New Zealand and Australian Bogan Band site!
LINK: BOGAN BAND?
Bogan For Life band member
Photo Credit: BOGANS!!
LINK: BOGANS!!
In this article, I will deal with the early warning signs (symptoms), the progression of the disease (epidemiology) and its affect on critical areas such as; dress codes, make up (type, colour and application), speech (both 'normal' and drug/alcohol affected), social attitudes, public behavioural patterns and lastly, naturally, mental acumen, or what can possibly be detected of it, for in advanced stages of infection, there is little brain activity beyond ‘eat, shit and sleep’, all of which are done in a most indecorous way.
There is one other dangerous aspect of infection from the Bogana Virus; it causes people to enlist in subversive groups and activities, to behave in clandestine manner and to take dangerous risks because of a self-delusion they are actually doing something positive for humanity, when in fact, they are just destroying public and private property, while perpetuating appalling manners and bad taste, often passed on by their genetic parents, who are often completely unknown to them, having dumped and/or sold the sprogs after birth!
Many disguise their real identity using code names, non de plumes, even anagrams of secret agendas, like Morgan Bell; which is an anagram of "BLAME LONG R", in proper english, 'blame longer'.
Morgan Bell also operates under another code name, that being her Bogan genus descriptor;
Morgano Campana Excrucio ex Boganamata Morbus.
(Morgan Bell has great pain/torment from Bogan’s disease)
The affect of the Bogana Virus on Morgan Bell has caused her to become, (possibly unwittingly), a dangerous 'sleeper agent' for the shadowy Bogan Nation. This rag bag group of desperate subversives are secretly engaged in treasonous and seditious activities, plotting against our more sophisticated lifestyles, trying to degrade our sense of good taste in all things!
We are all so lucky ex-Prime Minister Howard and his dutifully dedicated bum licker ex-Attorney General Ruddock, resurrected those old draconian laws from the world war years, and then embellished them further, in order to cope with treason and sedition, midst the hotbed of MOSLEM TERROR, scarifying Australia….somehow……somewhere …actually I have not seen any terrorists yet…BUT WE KNOW THEY ARE THERE!
BOGAN SHIRE N.S.W.: est 1906: They have since spread into every state!
Photo Credit: Wikipedia Commons
While we are on this frightening subject, I must confide;
MORGAN BELL IS A BOGAN AGENT PROVOCATEUR!!
A BOGAN SPY!!!
These furtive members, these societal exiles of grand vogue couture, these awful bedraggled dregs of humanity, have permeated almost all levels of our society, with only a few remaining exceptions, they being; the Australian Opera, the Sydney and Melbourne Symphony Orchestras, the Australian Ballet and all nationally recognized bridge playing groups across the nation.
These august companies of artistic and intellectual endeavour stand together, as a bulwark against the terrible rising tide of Boganity. However, they cannot do it alone!
We must all stand together, to fight this gruesome flotsam of degraded humanity, and ensure our
Bogana Inoculation:
To prevent becoming infected by the terrible Bogana Virus, I suggest the following;
Dom Perignon...any vintage will do!
if you drink alcohol:
Drink several bottles of champagne; Dom Perignon, Krug, Bollinger, or any other fine French champagne of a good vintage. As regards quantity of champagne, for total assurance that the vile and debilitating Bogana Virus has been eliminated from your poor wracked bodies, I suggest investing in a Nabuchadnezzar (20 bottles: 15 litres), and sip slowly all day while resting in a constantly replenished bubble bath, while being shoulder massaged. Some delectable canapés would be a good accompaniment, while listening to either; classical orchestral work, (Brahms might be nice in the afternoon, definitely Chopin in the morning), or, vocalists of the calibre of Pavarotti et al.
For non-alcohol imbibers:
Recite the Bible, Latin version, till you feel exorcised!!
BOGAN ART!!! Some one, please, light a match!
Photo Art credit: BOGANS!!
LINK: EEEWWW!!
EPIDEMIOLOGY: EARLY SYMPTOMS and PROGRESSION:
Vulgarity;
vocally and in behaviour, especially in public. Unusual and eclectic taste in clothing and colour combinations, which quickly deteriorates into appalling taste, that being, hooded jackets made of synthetic substances, garish colours, plastic zippers, skin tight jeans, metal piercing of body parts, including genitalia, starting with one or two, gradually building to a point where the similarity between them and a porcupine, is obvious. The first piercing is usually the tongue or nasal area...eeewwww! Bogan hetero males often have a “Prince Albert,” yet still claim to be completely heterosexual, which is plainly ridiculous!
Make up;
women use gloss lipstick with sparkles, eyeliner that can be seen from 500 metres away, stick on emblems, and all done in toxic lurid colours.
Hair;
often dyed totally, or in uneven patches of, white, purple and red, as this the only colour palette they can afford, or actually recognize, and it is dyed at home, incompetently.
Speech;
always incredibly nasal, the inflection rising at the end of sentences, if indeed one may assume that they use a sentence. Syllables, consonants and vowels are all smeared into each other, often making an individual word indistinguishable. If one does not see a Bogan speaking, but hears them, usually their speech pattern is mistaken for a variety of reasons, none of them usually human, unless it is vomiting, other examples; animal slaughter, animal mating cries, animal regurgitation, and/or birth pain.
Habitat:
Malls, street corners, alleyways, deserted buildings, rave parties, multiplex cinemas, Coles and Woolworths (all day and night), train stations, public toilets where the females attend to their makeup, while the partner ‘hetero’ males indulge in homosexual acts hidden behind cubicle doors.
Public Behaviour:
Vomiting, fighting, swearing, spitting, spray can tagging, bottle smashing, laying unconscious on; footpaths, benches, in gutters, in entrance ways to buildings they do not live in, having sexual intercourse, or other related grotesque activity, and giving birth.
Drugs and Alcohol:
Everything from the bottom shelf, unless it has been stolen. However, it has been observed, even when Bogans have the opportunity to steal top shelf alcohol, they still choose their usual fare, that being, flagons of Invalid Port, “bladder” wine, or casks, as the wine companies euphemistically call them, or cheap bourbon.
Drugs; often they do not know what it is they have taken, just some pill they obtained, which could be horse tranquiliser if they are lucky, or an emetic or a laxative, if not!
Transport:
Bus, train, hitching. However, there is an ever increasing group of more affluent Bogans, (more 'effluent' would be more apt!), who are using cars, many of which are stolen until wrecked, usually that same day. Others do own their own 'chariots', I reveal one here so you know what to avoid on the road!
Bogan Burnout...in a driveway, so typical!
Photo Credit: BOGANS! at bebo.com
LINK: BOGANVILLE!
So, tell me, is all this enough to finally, find justification for a cultural genocide, or mercy killing as I would suggest?
BOGANS BEWARE!!!
WE ARE WATCHING YOU!!!
Finally, if any of you have any doubt as to the seriousness of this situation, I refer you to this site, an 'official' Bogan of Australia net site!
LINK:
BOGANS
And more disturbingly, a New Zealand and Australian Bogan Band site!
LINK: BOGAN BAND?
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Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
Current Business News
Movie Train
Artist Quirk
yes
yes
look we need to buy cask so after we drink the wine we can fill the bladder with air and use it as a pillow
i really like "BLAME LONG R" and "AGENT PROVOCATEUR" and "BOGAN SHIRE N.S.W.: est 1906: They have since spread into every state!"
hahaha your creativity is on fire!
but what you fail to tell everyone is that you are a half-cast bogan passing as a yuppie . . . its all jealousy!
Comment by Mountain Fog
Infognito
QUOTE ME NO QUOTES!
ALL DAMNABLE LIES!!!!
Everyone now knows you are an agent provocateur and that means you have to try and discredit any exposure of your nefarious activities.
Yes, I admit I have dressed semi-Bogan like, on rare occasions, in order to sneak past the awful Bogan sentries, spralwed across footpaths everywhere, but that is as far as it goes!
I say...
BOGAN BEGONE!!!
cheers in ignobogamity,
fog
P.S. There really is a Bogan Shire, and that map is its location!! (as if you didn;t know! HA!!)
Comment by tlcorbin
Coffee Quip
Raven
Comment by Mountain Fog
Infognito
QUOTE ME NO QUOTES!
HEAVENS Raven!
They only came up with 20???
I am shocked!!
Apple Schnapps eh? Can't even remember what Schnapps tasted like, not usre of I ever had more than one swig in my boozey days...
cheers
fog
Comment by tlcorbin
Coffee Quip
Raven
Comment by Mountain Fog
Infognito
QUOTE ME NO QUOTES!
Clean and sober ever since.
I need a bloody medal methinks!
Maybe one made of beer bottle caps....
cheers Raven
fog
Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
Current Business News
Movie Train
Artist Quirk
Comment by Mountain Fog
Infognito
QUOTE ME NO QUOTES!
and for older, first Bogans, (Boganus Exemplar parens)
I guess it could double as a denture rinse, body rub and hair tonic?
cheers
fog
Comment by Cheryl J
Funny Videos
Rhythmatism
Zentertainment
Budget Centsability
Comment by Mountain Fog
Infognito
QUOTE ME NO QUOTES!
you have unwittingly made a serious and valuable contribution to my upcoming Boganasaurus and Book of Bogan Rituals!
cheers
fog
Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
Current Business News
Movie Train
Artist Quirk
CLICKHERE to check out the list
Comment by Mountain Fog
Infognito
QUOTE ME NO QUOTES!
why thank you Morgan,
I was wondering, is this the only post of mine you found amusing, and if so, does this mean it was the subject matter, yourself, that so inspired you to refer to it on your own blog?
I love being churlish, sometimes...
cheers
fog
Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
Current Business News
Movie Train
Artist Quirk
i think this is one of the most creative of your posts that i have read . . . i also enjoyed the one about your old doggy attacking her young nemesis . . . it was a toss up but eventually i decided on the one that featured ME! haha
actually i like pretty much everything you write on the topic of bogans, it seems to really stimulate your mind!
Comment by Mountain Fog
Infognito
QUOTE ME NO QUOTES!
you are the doyen of the back handed compliment and I believe a Zen Master at self promotion, and re-promotion, on a scale Orble has never seen, a subtlety no other Orblean could possibly aspire to emulate...
I try, but fail miserably; imitation may be the height of flattery, but sometimes, the 'imitation', is far too high to reach!
cheers
fog
Comment by Mrs M
Mum's Word
"I love youse"
"No, I really really love youse"
Funny stuff Fog.
Thanks again Morgan.
Love & stuff
Mrs M
Comment by Mountain Fog
Infognito
QUOTE ME NO QUOTES!
Glad to see you and tanx for the compliment!
cheers
fog