Troika bells, the KGB, and little me!
April 27th 2008 08:30
“We NEED troika bells!” the director snapped. “Umm…troy...karr bells?” I responded hesitantly. I didn't want to appear ill educated and idiotic, however, at least I had some idea of what the director was demanding I obtain, they were bells. “NO! TROIKA!!..T!..R!..O!..I!..K!. .A!..Get them on the rehearsal tape, Monday should be soon enough.”
It was Friday… Such is the life of a novice stage manager, or assistant as I was then, known in the industry as an ASM, for short; in all but personality of course, but sadly personality was kind of discouraged in that area of work. I think I was in the wrong course…so did a lot of others!
In fact, after six weeks of sharing classes with the actors, (an experiment in encouraging empathy between the disciplines, it didn't work!), I was asked why I was not in class, by an actor.
Maybe I should have bitten the bullet, and gone for acting, but, it was a difficult choice for me, as one in the family seemed quite enough.
All too late, I had started the stage management course, and I was assigned to a brilliant old commercial theatre director, who was staging a Russian favourite, "Uncle Vanya" by Chekov.
However, at the time I was unaware what this eventful day would eventually bring, when I was asked to obtain a recording of real troika bells, "...hopefully attached to a horse trotting through snow, even more hopefully in snow in Russia!" That request was hard enough, without becoming innocently embroiled in a small, silent, 'international incident’, involving “friendship societies”, attaches to embassies, and the KGB!
All I wanted was a bloody recording of bloody troika bells! Simple? No, sorry, not for me, EVER!
First stop, I rang the USSR consulate…”RRRRing this narrmbuurrr, it essss dee Traaayd Commission for the United Soviet Socialist Republeeeek!” It crossed my mind, that, should the West and Russia, well the USSR as it was then, ever go to war, we will have an advantage, they speak SLOWLY….
Anyway, I rang, but no answer. Yellow pages…phone operator…they were so polite, warm and helpful in those days, you could chat on about almost anything, and the operator would go out of her way to assist you. I know, the young today will think this is fantasy, but it is true!
Together we find an intriguing entry, “The Australia-USSR Society”, sounded innocuous enough…
“Dobriy den'!”, (good afternoon), I tell the warm sounding old lady what I am after. She gives me a name and a phone number, I call, they welcome me with open arms and invite me to their home. ‘Pleeease, you caarm ohvuuur we haave parrrtee!”
They indeed did have a small party. The couple who invited me were charming and warm and best of all, they gave me, on loan, a record with troika bells…ON A HORSE RIDING THROUGH THE SNOW IN RUSSIA!!!
I wanted to kiss them, on both cheeks, they didn’t I felt.
So, my weekend became free, no more worry about satisfying a pedagogic exacting stage director, I had successfully achieved the most obscure request I had ever heard of, even to the present day.
However, little did I know, the old “Pandora’s box” was waiting to spring open, and I was to be victim!
It was Friday… Such is the life of a novice stage manager, or assistant as I was then, known in the industry as an ASM, for short; in all but personality of course, but sadly personality was kind of discouraged in that area of work. I think I was in the wrong course…so did a lot of others!
In fact, after six weeks of sharing classes with the actors, (an experiment in encouraging empathy between the disciplines, it didn't work!), I was asked why I was not in class, by an actor.
Maybe I should have bitten the bullet, and gone for acting, but, it was a difficult choice for me, as one in the family seemed quite enough.
All too late, I had started the stage management course, and I was assigned to a brilliant old commercial theatre director, who was staging a Russian favourite, "Uncle Vanya" by Chekov.
However, at the time I was unaware what this eventful day would eventually bring, when I was asked to obtain a recording of real troika bells, "...hopefully attached to a horse trotting through snow, even more hopefully in snow in Russia!" That request was hard enough, without becoming innocently embroiled in a small, silent, 'international incident’, involving “friendship societies”, attaches to embassies, and the KGB!
All I wanted was a bloody recording of bloody troika bells! Simple? No, sorry, not for me, EVER!
First stop, I rang the USSR consulate…”RRRRing this narrmbuurrr, it essss dee Traaayd Commission for the United Soviet Socialist Republeeeek!” It crossed my mind, that, should the West and Russia, well the USSR as it was then, ever go to war, we will have an advantage, they speak SLOWLY….
Anyway, I rang, but no answer. Yellow pages…phone operator…they were so polite, warm and helpful in those days, you could chat on about almost anything, and the operator would go out of her way to assist you. I know, the young today will think this is fantasy, but it is true!
Together we find an intriguing entry, “The Australia-USSR Society”, sounded innocuous enough…
“Dobriy den'!”, (good afternoon), I tell the warm sounding old lady what I am after. She gives me a name and a phone number, I call, they welcome me with open arms and invite me to their home. ‘Pleeease, you caarm ohvuuur we haave parrrtee!”
They indeed did have a small party. The couple who invited me were charming and warm and best of all, they gave me, on loan, a record with troika bells…ON A HORSE RIDING THROUGH THE SNOW IN RUSSIA!!!
I wanted to kiss them, on both cheeks, they didn’t I felt.
So, my weekend became free, no more worry about satisfying a pedagogic exacting stage director, I had successfully achieved the most obscure request I had ever heard of, even to the present day.
However, little did I know, the old “Pandora’s box” was waiting to spring open, and I was to be victim!
Committee for State Security (KGB) Emblem
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Comment by tlcorbin
Coffee Quip
Raven
Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
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Comment by Damo
For the Sake of Argument
My Apologetics
Comment by Mountain Fog
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QUOTE ME NO QUOTES!
am posting the finish to that story tomorrow!
vewwy interesting indeed!
cheers
fog
Comment by Mountain Fog
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QUOTE ME NO QUOTES!
wish I WAS a pro blogger...but that will never be I fear!
Anyway, as I am winning lotto tomorrow...$40 mill...well...after that I'll be too busy being pampered by my staff in my new mansion!
Stage manager be damned!
I am also a production manager, set dresser, props buyer, asistant to production designers and art directors in film, a librettist, a stage director, a psychodramatist,...sigh...I could go on...
however, to spare you the painfully boring details, I'll leave it with this;
my most successful and current metamorphosis has been...(SFX: drum roll)
...becoming a drop out loser slob!
YAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!
cheers
fog
Comment by Mountain Fog
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QUOTE ME NO QUOTES!
careful, your subtle wit is showing...!
tee hee
fog
P.S. Some heavy accented gentlemen will be visiting you at midnight tomorrow night...
Comment by Morgan Bell
Deep Pencil
Current Business News
Movie Train
Artist Quirk
Comment by Mountain Fog
Infognito
QUOTE ME NO QUOTES!
it is true...
my glorious past is just that...past...
CUE: (SFX: melodramatic violin swell)
I am a "drop-slob!"
....sigh...huff huff....sniff....
fog